Good Enough

How I Made the Decision to Stop Dreaming and Start Creating a Tarot Deck

Designing and illustrating a tarot deck was always that project. It was the dream that kept coming back, the one closest to my heart. It was the one I planned to get to one day. One day when I was ready. When I knew enough about the cards. When my art was good enough. I kept dreaming and telling myself I would work on my deck someday, but someday never seemed to get any closer. I studied the cards and the fundamentals. I did everything I could to become good enough to earn the right to begin, but good enough was a moving target. It was never out of sight, but always just out of reach. Time kept slipping away. Moment by moment. Day by day. Dreams die while we wait for our ideal selves to materialize.

The conventional advice given to people stuck in the dreaming phase is to just start. Take small steps and do a little every day to build momentum. “Action follows action,” they say. It sounds like good advice because it is useful for some people in some situations. It might have been exactly what I needed to hear many years ago; but, by the time I heard it, it was too late. I didn’t need to just start. I needed to just stop. I had been running at full speed in the wrong direction for far too long. Between a disastrous work situation, a series of family tragedies, and friends disappearing when I needed them most, I was exhausted. The last thing I needed was to do more. I needed to pause, catch my breath, and find my bearings. What I needed most was rest.

The break I so desperately needed appeared in early June. One evening, I saw a familiar flash of bright green light out of the corner of my eye. The fireflies had returned! I don’t know how anyone could see them without feeling their mood instantly lighten. I look forward to watching their incredible light show every year. It’s breathtaking to behold. There were more fireflies than usual in the summer of 2025 thanks to the relatively wet spring and, for that, I am grateful. They inspired me to stop for awhile. Instead of working until I dropped, I started spending my evenings watching them. By mid-August, I was feeling much better. That’s when I painted the piece that changed everything.

At first, it was just another digital illustration; but, in the months that followed, I found myself returning to it often. I had finally made something that felt like me. I liked the young woman and her cats. I wanted to tell their story. I named her Mei after May Alcott, the inspiration for Amy March in Little Women, and Mei Kusakabe, Miyazaki’s curious young protagonist in My Neighbor Totoro. I originally envisioned Mei as a writer; but the more I thought about it, the more connections I saw between art and The Fool’s Journey. I began to wonder if I could design a tarot deck around Mei’s development as an artist. Her cats, Obsidian and Crystal or Sid and Tally for short, could guide her to what she needed. From there, ideas began to flow rapidly.

As I was getting started on my deck, I felt a familiar set of doubts start to creep in. Instead of attempting to ignore them like I usually did, I decided to examine them. I wrote down all of the reasons why I shouldn’t be working on this deck right now. Seeing my reasons in writing revealed them for the flimsy excuses they really were. I went through the list attacking each excuse in turn. There was only one legitimate concern on the list: The time investment. A little napkin math suggests this project may take me four years to complete. There are few things I love enough to commit to that kind of time investment, but a tarot deck is one of them. It is my dream project, after all. The one that will not leave me alone.

This is not yet a success story, but I hope it is the beginning of one. I am just starting out, writing the story as I go. Along the way, I plan to share my process, some thoughts about the cards, and everything I learn while working on this deck with the hope that they might help someone. I have a long road ahead of me, but I am excited to get started. Tarot decks are incredible, versatile tools for creativity and storytelling. Those are the aspects of tarot I plan to focus on while working on this deck. At present, it is just an idea, but I would love to bring it to life. I am finally ready to find out if it is good enough.